Supporting yourself and your family through grief

In times like these, it’s normal to feel lost. Grief manifests itself in many ways and varies with each person. One thing we will all have in common however, is the fact that we grieve. It is a normal, necessary, human response. Below are some strategies and important reminders as we journey through, and grow around, our grief.

What helps?

‘Grief is the counterpart of love. If we allow ourselves the grace of love, we must also allow ourselves the grace of grief and mourning’

 - Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Take care of yourself

It’s not easy holding a space for your own personal grief while supporting your bereaved family members/children, so it’s important to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. If you are struggling, don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether that be through family, friends, or health professionals.

Draw on supportive connections

Having strong and supportive relationships is the most important thing we can do to build resilience. We need a strong community to face a difficult and traumatic event. Resilience is not about keeping a stiff upper lip; it’s about being able to show your vulnerabilities and reaching out for supportive connection. Whenever you do this - you model healthy coping skills to your children and others around you.

Spend time observing, listening, and talking

Young people often express emotions through behaviour and body symptoms (e.g., pain or feeling sick). You may notice their grief expressed through increased irritability, tantrums, anger, reassurance seeking/anxiety, distressing dreams, restless sleep, changes in appetite, behaving in a way that seems younger than their years, tearfulness, school avoidance/clinginess or withdrawal. Grief is not linear, so expect that there will be ups and downs. Take the time to notice changes in behaviour and offer your support. 

Although it is natural for parents to want to protect their children from hurt or upset, it is important that you take the time to talk and listen to your children following a significant loss. Answer their questions in an honest and age-appropriate way, without minimising the impact of what has happened. Be patient, open, honest, and consistent. Reassure them that it is okay to be upset about what has happened.

Maintain routine and a sense of safety

When a significant loss occurs, routines often go out the window, and with them, a young person’s sense of safety and predictability decreases too. It’s really important to encourage a healthy sleep routine, to continue to do normal things (e.g., hobbies), and to eat well and exercise often.

The majority of bereaved children (and adults) adjust over time, not all bereaved children need counselling. However, if you have concerns about your grieving child and would like some professional help, advice or reassurance, please feel welcome to speak with the School Counsellors, GP, or the following support services:

• Canberra Grief Centre; For specialized counselling and group programs https://www.canberragriefcentre.com.au/
• Headspace Goulburn; (02) 4824 4944, see headspace.org.au
• Griefline free telephone support for adults aged 18 and up; 1300 845 745 and see https://griefline.org.au/get-help/free-telephone-support/
• The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement; excellent information, resources and telephone counselling available (fee for service applies); https://www.grief.org.au/ACGB/ACGB/Bereavement_Support/Counselling_1/Counselling.aspx?hkey=41addafc-dfa7-448b-84ea-0facb5485f02
• Kidshelpline; 1800 55 1800 https://kidshelpline.com.au/

For more articles and information, see:

https://au.reachout.com/challenges-and-coping/grief-and-loss

https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/supporting-a-young-person/grief-and-loss/

https://headspace.org.au/assets/download-cards/11-Grief-headspace-fact-sheet-WEB.pdf

https://www.parentlink.act.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/405633/Grief-and-loss.pdf

Kimmy Murchie

Student and Family Counsellor